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This year was a very difficult one for me. In late January, my mother was rushed to the hospital suffering from severe abdominal pain. Her initial diagnosis was pancreatitis but after more testing and a few days later she was diagnosed with stage 3 pancreatic cancer. Despite complications from a few blood-clots that developed while taking her off her blood thinners and because the tumor was on the tail end of the pancreas, they thought it beneficial to do the surgery sooner rather than later. She had a splenectomy, to get a better view of the pancreas, and a pancreatectomy. The surgery went well, but as the surgeon removed more and more of the pancreas, further biopsies still revealed the presence of cancer cells. Because of her age and her existing medical condition (triple bypass surgery, stent, afib, pacemaker, COPD, diabetes, to name few), the doctor decided not to remove the entire pancreas. Despite detecting cancer cells in 4 out of 8 lymph nodes, they still had no idea if the cancer was elsewhere as it didn't present itself, so she remained in stage 3.
After the surgery was over, she spent nearly a week recovering and the day she was to be discharged she lost movement and feeling to her right leg. With discharge papers in hand, she was rushed back to the OR for immediate surgery to remove a blood clot that had formed. A few hours later she was back in a room. Her leg, still not looking as it should was being tested in various areas to make sure she was getting proper blood flow. All was looking well until later in the evening when they detected another clot and she was rushed back into surgery. After the surgery, the surgeon didn't feel as though this would be occurring again anytime soon. She spent another week or so recovering, except this time with a gaping wound just above her right leg (groin).
Finally home, she had limited mobility due to a wound VAC attached where they entered the leg. This device is portable and sucks the moisture out of the wound area and helps close the wound faster. She was assigned a nurse who would visit 3 times a week to change the wound dressing and VAC canister. The nurse arrived, sounding as though she had throat cancer, coughing and often leaving the room because the coughs were so severe, came in and changed the dressing. Looking like she had never done this before, she told us she had been doing this for 16 years. The wound looked good she said, then 2 days later my mother had a fever and we rushed back to the hospital to see what was going on. Her wound was infected. Another two weeks in the hospital being placed on intravenous anti-antibiotics, she went into the OR one more time to give the wound a cleaning and remove dead tissue. She then returned home and was given a proper wound care nurse.
It was now early March, and the new nurse was amazing. Some weeks went by and her wound was healing nicely. Doctor visits and routine followups were being performed. But, she still had cancer. Plans were being made for her to do chemo and afterwards radiation. They wanted her leg to heal first, before starting her on any treatment. The days passed and as we approached time for chemo, the more nervous my mother became. Two weeks prior to her receiving chemo, she went to the oncologist. What happened next took us all by surprise. The more the doctor asked her questions, the more she seemed to not understand her. The doctor in fear that it could be a stroke sent her down to get a CT Scan. An hour later or so later, the results came in and nothing abnormal appeared. (They could not do an MRI because her pacemaker was not compatible).
As the days progressed my mother got worse and worse and was showing clear signs of dementia. Every few hours a new symptom would appear and others would disappear. It was a very jarring experience. She could be fine one moment and unable to speak the next (aphasia). This went on for about two weeks, with various severity depending on the day. Next stop, neurology. More tests scheduled. Neurologist still gave her the green light to get chemo and new date for chemo was set. By this time my mother was off her wound VAC and was able to walk around.
As the chemo date approached again, my mother started getting severe headaches. The headaches would come and go for days and eventually they wouldn't go away so I took her back to the hospital. More CT Scans were performed, but everything looked normal. In order to possibly get a definitive answer, more tests were needed, but these tests would be invasive. Her dementia returned full force in the hospital, with hallucinations and paranoia running wild. Because of the tests and the harm it could cause her, we decided against doing them because we were told even if they were done, it would only tell us why things are happening and even if what they suspected was happening, nothing could be done about her symptoms. Her headaches did go away, nobody is sure why and she was scheduled to be discharged soon.
Prior to her discharge, my family and I spoke with many of the hospital staff to see how we should proceed going forward. Eventually, on the advice of her oncologist, we decided not to do chemo or any further treatment with respect to her cancer and we would hold off on hospice care until a further CT scan would reveal the presence of any tumor (as well as her AC-19-9). My mother was finally home and not a day later she started returning to her normal self. She recognized her paranoia and hallucinations as not being real. She started learning things she had forgotten and her symptoms of dementia disappeared. She even started getting her appetite back. Our mom was finally our mom again.
Several weeks had passed and we had a CT Scan scheduled for June. But because she started developing pains again in her abdomen, the oncologist moved up the CT Scan and sure enough, she discovered several nodules around the peritoneum. Her AC-19-9 levels were going back up as well. Because of this, she recommended hospice care. Even though we knew this day would come, I couldn't hold back the tears as I proceeded to tell my mother the oncologist's recommendation.
So it's June now, we now have a hospice nurse and health aid and social worker that visits us regularly. My mother is able to walk around and go out and do things. And we do. What I failed to mention so far is that during this whole ordeal my mother had lost 60 lbs.. As the weeks progressed my mother became weaker and weaker. I am her full time caretaker, by the way. My sister and niece come by every week, sometimes a few times a week to help out and provide emotional and financial support for both me and mom. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and on September 19th, 2019 my mom passed away in her bed with me by her side. She was 73. It was an extremely difficult time for me and my family to watch her deteriorate as she did, but I am so thankful she was able to be in her own home.
You will always be in my heart mom, I love you and I miss you.
Thank you for taking the time to read this,
_________________ Slot Zero
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